Heh. Onions! Hehe

"There's a dead rat swimming around down there"
~David Burnett

"Why don't we tie the tent down with grass?"
~Becky Chandler

"Anions are like onions and onions are negative because they make you cry"
~Lucy Cava

"Turkey is my favourite type of chicken"
~Andy Chadwick

"I've just put the Ten Commandments in the oven"
~Mary Burnett

"Whatever you do, don't put your tree under a tent"
~Sheila Spooner

"Anyone with more testosterone than a female, please leave"
~Penny Stradling

"Can your dogs climb trees?"
"That'll be monkeys you're thinking of"
~Martin Fosten and a random stranger

"Martin, you just ran over your nephew"
~Jeni Chapman

"I want to be buried naked to break tradition"
~Mr Deane

"And Harmony are going to pull off their tops and reveal something *different* underneath"
~Gordon Woodrow

"Check your gender everytime you write"
~Mme Howarth

"I'm having a baby"
~Mr Moren

"Is that you in the microwave, J?"
~Miranda Bradley

"Why is the floor so low down?"
~Kit Hopkin

"You'd make a really good rapist"
~Jennie Lumsden

"I wanted to declare my unlying dove to Kat"
~Sarah Malcolm

"Wow! Cookies! How original! In a predictable sort of way..."
~Janvier Palmer

"Carrots Have Mystery, Whereas Flowers Are Essentially Tarts"
~Random school graffiti

"Women would make such better men than men do"
~Lizzie Williams

"You can tell that bras were invented by men. I mean, they take one hand to take off but need like three to put on. And sure, that averages out at the right number of hands..."
~Lizzie Williams

"How do you tell if the lights are on?"
~Tilly Tucker

"I'm not artistic so I never know where the sun comes from"
~Anne Sutton

"Who needs sleep when you have a holepunch? And a squeaky one at that..."
~Sarah Burnett

"I often underestimate the length of my legs"
~Jessie Lightwing

"Can I borrow your smell?"
~Lizzie King

"I don't need to breathe, I'm not pregnant"
~Kit Hopkin

"And you think 'Oh my goodness! God is actually quite clever!'"
~Penny Stradling

"Right, you just sit there and be a good little Roman"
~Mrs Quinn (talking to Marcus, her keyring)

"So long, and thanks for all the pot noodles"
~English sheet

"Samuel grows old"
~Street Bible

"Sorry I haven't exploded anything for you yet, but I will try"
~Dr Dawson

"Jesus is on the chessboard!"
"Oh, well tell her to come in"
~Natalie Bowling & Mme Howarth

"I don't pretend to be a Greek scholar, I didn't even pass my GCSE French"
~Martin Fosten

"Where have all the corners gone?"
~Toria Swan

"It's cream all the way!"
~Kit Hopkin

"But the snail's respiring, the plant didn't need to"
~Natalie Bowling

"Well, at least I didn't go home to photosynthesise"
~Natalie Bowling

"You are a mean person"
~Elle Smith

"And here's some advice from your Uncle Billy, kids. Don't buy drugs... Become a popstar, they give them to you for free!"
~Love actually

"I have Baloo on my head"
~Toria Swan

"You've got a big gap in your head, haven't you Tilly?"
"No, I haven't got anything in my head"
"Hence the gap"
~Toria Swan & Tilly Tucker

"I can't even raspberry properly anymore"
~Toria Swan

"Iz it coz i iz black God?"
~Louisa Weeks

"I have no idea what's going on"
(9 months later...)
"I STILL have no idea!"
~Toria Swan

"If we yell do you think they'll shoot us?"
~Tilly Tucker

"It's nice to see you're all symmetrical this morning!"
~Kat McMenamin

"I was only rolling up and down her legs"
~Toria Swan

"Don't put them in the dishwasher, it's full of clean clothes"
~Judith Chapman

"God told me I'm a hairdryer... Hrummmmmm"
~Mrs Dubery

"I was waxing my bikini line and God said to me 'Don't wax your bikini line!' "
~Georgia

"..........BOARDRUBBER!" *dashes into staff room*
~Mr Evans

"Ohhhhhh... you stole the blutac!"
~Frau Freelove

"And the Sodium goes 'HELLO!' "
~Mr Godsmark

"Bouncing stars, that is SO cool!"
~Emily Dunne

"If you're not a theist, you can't sin"
~Mrs Knight

"There could be in some universe a purple dragon called Horace wearing a pink bow tie and knitted long johns balancing upside down on his tongue holding a water pistol and a trombone, squirting everyone with one and playing the national anthem on the other, but I doubt it"
~Peter Vardy

"Cause they do funny things with ferrets in Yorkshire, don't they?"
~Paul Chapman

"Can you see tadpoles? I thought they were invisible"
~Rachel Bishop